It’s no secret that women are underrepresented in senior leadership in most sectors. There are too many reasons for this – rampant overt and covert biases, inhospitable cultures, and a lack of support for working parents, to name a few. You would think then that those females that made it to the top would feel relief, pride, and respect. New research indicates that’s not necessarily the case. Some experts believe the emotional toll women face is yet another barrier to the advancement of women. In this piece, I’ll outline women’s myriad emotions on the road to advancement. Which do you experience, and is it causing you to ask yourself, is it worth it?
Is it worth it?
Is it worth it, is a valid question to ask when deciding how far up the ladder women want to go. I don’t want to play the game. It’s not worth the headache. No, thank you, too much work. Women refer to the game, headache, and work in these situations as emotional labor. After all, women face many barriers men do not. These barriers bring more negative emotions. Maybe you’ve experienced these emotions too.
Perhaps it’s fear of speaking up in meetings because you were continually taught to stand back and speak when spoken to or frustrated when you get interrupted repeatedly. Maybe it’s guilt for choosing a career over staying home to raise a family, regret for not spending more time with family, or remorse for not chasing your job more. Possibly overwhelm with the stress of balancing caretaking and work duties or pressure to live up to the expectations of the perfect role model. Or perhaps you’ve felt anxious to promote yourself because it was reinforced as bragging or boasting, resentful when someone of less experience or expertise gets the job instead of you or rejected when you apply for a promotion or ask for a raise unsuccessfully. Maybe you’re skeptical when your organization launches diversity efforts that don’t have any impact, angry when told that you’re being too emotional or aggressive when your male colleague just said the same thing with no repercussion. Sadly, maybe you’ve felt lonely when you’re the only female voice in the room, powerless when someone takes credit for your idea or embarrassed when asked to take part in (insert painful team-building activity) with all men or when not asked to go in the first place because they didn’t think you would like to come anyway. Or worse, judged by women who are supposed to be in it together, inferior when you’re mistaken for the assistant or asked to take notes, or violated when you experience harassment while trying to make a living.
The emotional toll is real.
But indeed, reaching the top brings joy?
Many women rise to the top despite the emotional turmoil along the way. Surely these women would experience increased positive emotions once they’ve made it. These women, after all, conquered the statistics; they arrived! Not so fast.
New research by Christa L. Taylor from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence looked at gender and emotions at work. Taylor and her colleagues concluded that organizational rank has greater emotional benefits for men than women. They found that women feel more stress and less respect at work than men and that men’s positive emotions increase more strongly when they move up the rank. It’s important to note that the more senior the person became, the less frustration and discouragement were felt. However, men’s negative feelings diminished more than women’s negative feelings. The most significant gap was for the feeling of being respected. As women climbed the ladder, they felt significantly less respected than men.
The way we feel at work impacts our behavior and performance. Our emotions impact how hard we try and how much we give of ourselves. The authors are concerned that the negative emotions experienced by women are yet one more barrier to the advancement of women. They also worry that new generations of employees who focus more on jobs with purpose and authenticity will refrain from seeking leadership positions. The gender gap could widen further.
Stop saying, don’t be so emotional.
Every person feels negative emotions at work. Anyone can feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or lonely at times. These are human emotions. However, for underrepresented groups, the rewards are disproportionate. Promotions and raises are not doled out the same. And as the research indicates, even when women receive promotions and raises, they still feel disrespected and undervalued. It causes many to say, why bother. This is not where we want or need to be.
Stop saying, "Don’t be so emotional”, especially to women. These emotions are telling you something. These emotions are telling you something isn’t right. If you’re a people leader, start getting comfortable with surfacing and listening to the emotional cues, not brush them off. Pay attention to how you and the team make people feel. Thankfully the diversity and inclusion space has evolved to include the critical measurement of belonging. Belonging is where people have a voice, feel heard, and are wanted and valued. It also means they are rewarded equally. It would help if you stopped merely counting the numbers of promotions, diverse resumes received, or interviews given. You need to pay attention to the emotional journey accompanying the numbers, or the numbers will not move. They may even move backward.
I’d love to hear about your emotional journey and its impact on your career. I’d also love to learn what your organization does to create belonging at all levels and critical career junctures.